Screwed-Up Matchmaking
by Icy Fire 7
Summary: It's time for me to mess with the love lives of our favorite heroes! With this love potion I have, there's no telling what could happen. Weird pairings are sure to come out of this! I just hope I don't fail... Takes place directly after the events of Sonic Generations. Rated T for the very minor use of language used by me.


**This is something I came up with to get rid of the terrible disease known as writer's block. Yes, I've been struck by it, too. Writer's block certainly doesn't discriminate.**

**Writer's Block: That's true! Hmm, now how can I torture Icy today? I know! I'll make you lose interest in all of your stories!**

**Me: (*punches Writer's Block*) Shut up! You get no say in this! And if you even try to do that, I swear I will tear you limb from limb and throw your remains in a volcano.**

**Writer's Block: Ha! You would do no such thing, even if you were able to. I'm invincible!**

**Me: (*grins evilly*) If you don't shut up, I'm going to start writing oneshots. And you know that's bad for your health.**

**Writer's Block: (*gasps*) You wouldn't.**

**Me: You're not the only one who knows how to torture others. It's my specialty. And I think I'm on the edge of a new idea…**

**Writer's Block: (*writhes in pain*) Aaah! Stop that! No more ideas! No more! I'll stop torturing you. I promise!**

**Me: That's what you said last time. (*thinks harder*) Ah yes! I've got a new idea! It's so brilliant!**

**Writer's Block: NOOOO! *disappears***

**Goodbye, Writer's Block! Now to get on with the story. I mostly explained everything in the summary, but I'll explain it briefly here. The events of this story occur directly after the events of Sonic Generations. Amy gets bonked in the head by a package (courtesy of yours truly) that contains a magical, short-term love potion, but no one knows what it is until it's too late. Chaos is sure to ensue, and weird pairings will occur. This is sure to make you laugh! Enjoy!**

**Writer's Block: Guess what, Icy? I'm back!**

**Me: Damn you…Excuse me while I go torture W.B.**

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Everyone was happily enjoying the remainder of Sonic's birthday party. Sonic was still trying to ward off Amy's romantic ambitions, Vector was still wolfing down food, Knuckles and Rouge were bickering, and Shadow was standing off to the side brooding as usual. It was as if the incident with Time Eater and Classic Sonic never happened.

Poor things. They have no idea what I was about to do to them. And that made it so much better.

I pulled out a small package from my pocket. I chuckled to myself quietly as I thought about how amazingly brilliant my idea was. But as I watched Silver and Blaze chat with each other and Cream play innocently with her Chao friend Cheese, I couldn't help but feel a slight bit guilty. It wasn't right for me to mess with them like this. Maybe I shouldn't do this…

_No,_ I thought to myself. _I have to stay dedicated to my work. Those impatient flamers on FanFiction will destroy me if I don't post something soon._ Instead of thinking of how wrong this was, I started thinking of how hilarious it would be. _Maybe I could record this and put it on YouTube. Yeah, that's exactly what I'm gonna do. I'll be a hit!_

With that happy thought, I pushed back the foliage of the tree I was in so I could get a better view of the gang. I pulled my arm back and threw the package as hard as I could. And it ended up hitting Amy square in the face. It took my entire will to keep myself from laughing.

"Ouch!" Amy yelled as she rubbed her forehead. She looked down at the package in front of her. "What is this?" Everyone surrounded her as she pulled out the note on the side. I didn't have to listen, because I already knew what it said:

_**Dear Heroes,**_

_**A terrible fate is about to befall on you. This package contains the means of which will aid in your survival. Or possibly your destruction. Which is why you must follow the exact procedure I give to you now. You all must gather around the package closely. Then someone must pull the string off carefully. Then you must wait. The package will unravel itself.**_

_**The entire fate of the world depends on this one little act. I'm depending on you to save the future. From what I've heard about you all, you are more than capable of saving the world. Hopefully, you guys are not the petty, ignorant, useless fools that the elders believe you became in your future.**_

_**Sincerely,**_

_**Desperate Girl from the Extremely Far Future**_

I smiled as many of them started to get quite angry. It's a good thing I added that last bit to infuriate them. Luckily, most of them had a big enough ego so that the statement would take a big chunk out of it, which would get them all mad. Sometimes I just can't believe how brilliant I am.

"'Petty, ignorant, useless fools'?" repeated Knuckles angrily. "Just who do these people think we are?"

Sonic took the piece of paper from Amy's hand, reread it, and stared at it in shock. Then he crumpled the paper calmly in his fist and said. "Well, we're going to prove those elders wrong. Let's do what the note told us to do."

Mostly everyone consented, but there were still a few that were a bit skeptical. Namely, Espio.

"I've got a bad feeling about this," I heard Espio say. But no one listened to him. They went right ahead with the procedure. Espio shook his head in defeat and moved closer to the group, but he still kept his distance.

Shadow was also starting to get dubious as he looked at the small package. "I don't know about this. How could one little package be powerful enough to save the world?"

Sonic found this the perfect time to tease Shadow. "Is someone jealous that this little box has the 'ultimate power'?"

Shadow glared at Sonic. "Please. That thing has got nothing on me. I'll prove it." He stepped forward and untied the string on the package. For a long (and, on my part, intense and scary) moment, nothing happened. Shadow smirked and said, "See? Nothing special. I knew something about it was fake."

For that scary split second, I saw my career going straight down the drain. How could this happen? This plan was supposed to be flawless. I'm not supposed to mess up. I started getting angry at myself. _Now look what you've done! _My mind yelled at me. _You've throw your whole writing future away! How are you going to become an author if you can't even write stupid fanfiction? You'll never be a good writer if you keep this up! _(Sometimes, I hate it when I'm right.)

I felt miserable. I'd come all this way, got a supposedly infallible love potion, came up with the most brilliant idea ever, travelled across dimensions to find my favorite heroes, just to fail? This took a huge chunk out of my self-esteem. _Well, nothing else to do but go home. I knew I shouldn't have trusted that crazy old lady-_

Just then, the package exploded. I nearly fell out of the tree because of the shock it gave me. I would have laughed and cried in pure joy if I wasn't trying to stay hidden. I kept quiet, but I couldn't help but smile and let a few tears of joy run down my cheeks.

A pink cloud hung over the gang. I could hear a lot of coughing and shocked yelps, but I couldn't see anyone until it cleared. Everyone looked to one another with wide eyes.

Then complete pandemonium broke out.

The love potion worked to perfection. Each one of them fell in love with the first person they saw, and it was downright hilarious to see what odd pairings came out of it. I struggled to keep in my laughter, but it didn't matter if someone heard me now. They were all too busy paying attention to their 'loves'.

The chaos played out like this: Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles were all fighting over Rouge, pulling her this way and that, but she didn't seem to mind, since she was too busy staring dreamily at Sonic as he tried to pull her out of his friends' hands; Shadow and Amy were in an intense make-out session; Vector was trying unsuccessfully to flirt with a hotdog, while Blaze tried to pull him out of his trance by kissing him on the cheek multiple times; Charmy was trying to woo Cream, but she only had eyes for Silver, who was smiling at her broadly, and this caused Charmy to get angry, so he pounced on Silver, and they started fighting.

I didn't want to laugh, but I couldn't hold it in anymore. It's hard not to laugh when you see your heroes making a fool of themselves. Besides, it's not like anyone would notice a little giggling. They were far too busy, as you can see. So I just let myself laugh as much as I wanted.

When I stopped laughing, I pulled out a small glass vial from my pocket. It held the rest of the love potion. I grinned widely when I looked at it. It had saved my FanFiction reputation, and it had saved my dream of becoming a writer. My plan had worked flawlessly, and it was all because of this little bit of magic. Now it was time for me to go. The potion would wear off soon. I didn't want to be anywhere near the Sonic gang when it did.

But before I could even move, a voice behind me said, "I knew someone was behind all of this."

I was so startled, the potion flew out of my hands and broke over the owner of the voice. It was Espio. The potion hadn't reached him before like I thought it would.

But now he was covered in it. He wiped it out of his eyes as quickly as he could, but (as Silver would say) it was no use. The potion had already gotten to him, and he knew it. "Damn," he said. "Why me?"

Then his eyes started to open. I realized what would happen a little too late. His eyes were already on me. He stared at me with wide eyes for a moment. Then a lovesick grin spread across his face.

"Gosh, you're beautiful," he said, inching towards me. "With your beautiful dark hair, your perfect skin, your cute laugh, your cunning. And your eyes…oh, those big, beautiful black eyes. You're like a ninja goddess."

By this time, he had gotten far too close to me. I was blushing like mad at the things he was saying. This is when I decided to jump out of the tree, even though I was pretty high up. My face still felt extremely hot as I fell. The words Espio used were not the words I would use to describe myself. Strange? Yes. Unattractive? Yes. Beautiful? No. Not in the slightest.

My landing was not very smooth. I tumbled when I fell to the ground, and I felt a slight pain shoot through my right ankle, the ankle I had broken four times in the past. Some 'ninja goddess' I was. I got up quickly and took off.

Espio, of course, came after me. He landed a lot more smoothly than I did, and started chasing me. "Wait!" he called to me. "Was it something I said? Please don't run! I just want you to love me!"

That's not going to happen. Don't get me wrong; I love Espio and would totally crush on him if he were human. But he's not; he's a chameleon. And I'm not like Princess Elise, so absolutely nothing is going to happen between me and Espio. Ever.

I was running pretty fast, but Espio had no trouble keeping up with me. Pretty soon, I started to run out of energy. I was breathing heavily, and my chest was starting to hurt. Espio, however, seemed perfectly fine and easily caught up. Panic started to well up in my throat, and I tried to pick up speed.

I tripped on a rock and fell face-first into the dirt. This gave Espio the chance to grab me around the waist and throw me over his shoulder. I thrashed and kicked to slip out of his grasp, but he held onto me tightly.

"You certainly are hard to hold onto," he said in a deep, almost seductive voice. "But don't worry, my dear. I will soon make you mine."

He strapped me down to a chair. What was he going to do with me? Being me, I immediately thought the worst. Just thinking about that made me feel more terrified than I've ever felt before. I would have crossed my legs if I had the ability, but my legs were tied to the chair.

I started to cry. There was nothing else I could do. I was on my way to amount to greatness, and now look what has happened. I was going to get raped by a chameleon. I would never be able to face myself again. At that very moment, I actually contemplated suicide, but that idea seemed even scarier, so I dropped it immediately.

"Why are you crying?"

"Why wouldn't I be crying?" I said almost angrily as I looked up at Espio. "You're about to force me to do something I don't want to do." I started to sob. I know I sound like a wimp, but what do you expect me to do? Laugh in the face of danger? Hell, no.

Espio put his hand under my chin and lifted my face up. "I won't do that."

"You…you won't?"

"No. I want you to be happy. I'll let you go." He reached his hand up to my face and gently wiped the tears off my face. This small action made me smile. Why couldn't all men be this nice?

Suddenly, his eyes rolled back into his head, and his limp body fell onto my lap. I realized that everyone else had fainted, too. That meant the love potion had worn off. In just a few minutes, they would all wake up and realize what had happened. And since I'm still here tied down to the chair, they would all know it was me. And the first one that would make me pay for what I did would be Espio.

Since I didn't want to die today, I tried my hardest to free myself. But there was nothing I could do. Espio had tied me up really tightly. It was too late anyway, since everyone already started to stir. They realize the positions they were in and remembered what had just happened. They all got up quickly, started yelling angrily while blushing fiercely, and immediately started looking for the culprit. Their eyes all fell on me. They looked confused to see me here. Then realization started to form on their faces.

Espio woke up much later than the rest. He realized where he was and slowly looked up at me. An angry light could be seen in his eyes, as well as in everyone else's eyes. I just smiled at them nervously.

"H-h-hi guys."

"And just who are you?" said Shadow, glaring at me with a fierce intensity.

I glanced at Espio, who seemed angrier than everyone else. I must have been asking to die soon, because I found this a great time to make a joke. "I am a ninja goddess. And I'm in a whole lot of trouble."

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**And that's a wrap! Don't worry everyone. I made it out of that situation alive. Unfortunately, I didn't come away unharmed. I had a few bruises and broken bones and burns, but I lived! I'm not doing anything like that again, no matter what you guys say. I'm not risking my life just to give you a good story. Well…maybe I will do that one more time…it was fun…**

**Espio: Don't you dare. Unless you want to die really soon.**

**Me: No! Please don't kill me! I promise I won't do it again!**

**Espio: Good. (*leaves*)**

**Me: (*to myself*) I'll just have to be more stealthy next time…or get a poor sucker to do it for me...**

**Anyways, back to talking about the story. This story shows what happens when you readers start getting impatient or flame a story. The writer gets desperate and starts taking drastic measures to bring something you like. It's okay if you're really excited for a story and can't wait for more, but when you get impatient and start pressuring the writer, that's no good. (See what I tried to do there? Sonic actually came up with that and told it to me, so I just decided to give these words of wisdom to you) You're not doing anyone a favor when you complain nonstop.  
**

**I guess that's one of the morals of this story. You're wondering what the other one is? The real moral of the story is: Don't trust a crazy old lady when she says she has a magical love potion; she just wants you to get killed by your favorite heroes. **

**Writer's Block: (*struggles in a small prison*) But you fell for it! You're so stupid, Icy!**

**Me: What did I tell you about talking? I think it's time to let my friends take care of you.**

**Writer's Block: Wait. What friends? You don't make friends!**

**Me: Ice! Fire! My best friends! Take care of W.B. for me.**

**Fire: Yes! I get to KILL! Death to all who oppose me!**

**Ice: (*shrugs*) This is far too simple. It will be a pleasure to rip your insides out.**

**Writer's Block: NOOOOOOO!**

**That should keep him busy for a while. You guys should thank me, since I'm keeping Writer'sBlock at bay for now. But if you're still in writer's block...it's not my fault. Maybe W.B. has minions doing his dirty work. I don't know!**

**I hoped you enjoyed this story...actually, you'd better_ love_ this story, after all the trouble I went through. If you don't, I will come after you somehow. And I don't make idle threats.**

**Sayonara!**


End file.
